Poker Face
About 5 years ago Mat had an epiphany. He had been entertaining the idea of not having kids.
Mat :: Really, I was at a point where I wasn’t terribly sure what I wanted in life. I had seen friends with children and the amount of sacrafices they would make. I was a fairly selfish person and I kind of still am.
Me :: All I remember is him saying something to the effect of “maybe I don’t want to have kids…” And my throat closed up a tiny bit. I thought…Bullsh*t, He wants kids. I know him… I’ve known him for how many years?! I’ve seen him with my nephews and nieces — we’ve talked about kids of our own. Bullsh*t. He can’t be serious. Can he??
Mat :: At the time I believe I was serious. I was even more into video gaming then than I am now. I was considering all that I would have to give up in order to be a mediocre parent. I remember talking to one of my co-workers about my new found position on life. He laughed, smiled and said, “just wait man, you’ll change.“
Me :: I had to respond quickly and carefully. “Well, maybe I don’t want to have kids either.” I could tell by his face I had played my hand well. He believed me.
Mat :: She was a convincing liar.
Me :: I am when I need to be. Anyway… Some time went by. Not sure how long, but eventually something in him clicked.
Mat :: Details are sketchy, but it might have clicked sometime around the “pregnancy non-scary scare.” We thought she was pregnant and had fun figuring that part out. Those d*mn tests are expensive. And I use the plural form of test, because I had to buy more than one.
Me :: He came around. Oh yes… and when he did come around, I fessed up – very on the sly. “Yeah I knew you wanted kids…” Sometimes you just have to put on a good poker face.
Mat :: ZOMG?! YOU DID?!!11! I was taken aback that she had maintained this facade about not wanting kids and how we were totally in sync with our personal desires. Then I felt guilty that I had put her in that position of having to basically go along with my selfishly motivated wishes.
Me :: I didn’t know he felt guilty. That almost makes me feel a tinge of guilt for making him feel guilty. Almost. I just knew… there’s no other way to put it. I had been his friend, his confidant, his better half 
— I knew we were meant to have children together. I just knew.
— I knew we were meant to have children together. I just knew.Mat :: l;sakfjsadoisadf
Me :: *boggle* The funny thing is … I SUCK at poker.
Mat :: Yeah, me too.
***
Mat :: Lets go have another baby! BOOYAH! Made your cervix go “UUUUuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
Me :: Jerk.
ZOMG! First of all, I love Mat's candor… 2nd, knowing you Erin as I do, or think I do, hmmmmmm — anyways, knowing you as I think I do
I can't imagine that "poker face" you wore as you said those words.
Knowing you post having a child, I can't imagine finer parents then the two of you. No putting you up on a pedestal or anything, but watching you grow together as parents, seeing and hearing what your life is so full of (ummm Love, I was thinking your life is full of love Mat!)
You two, together, with a child or children simply makes sense to me.
Ummm Erin, did your (well I was thinking Uterus) but ummm cervix go "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"?
You did after all fail to disclose in the purging post — that "maybe" another child — no no no you flatly stated.. "when we have another child, or more children"
*giggles*
Poke face or not — you two do pretty dang go at the "game" of Life! Kudos!
I have a friend who was just divorced because her husband didn't want to have kids, and she wanted to have them. You're lucky it went your way!!!!
How funny. I'm with Christine though – YOU with a poker face? Did you have your eyebrows glued together or something? LOL!
You two are such amazing parents – I just cannot see you without kid(s)…yes that is a plural
Doesn't every woman need a poker face once in a while? Glad he came around cause Charlie is such a sweetie! (And she would be a great big sister)